Out of Religion, Into Relationship: Part 2

By Dorothy Mitchell

Continuing the story of my journey into an experiential relationship with God.

The Turning Point. My existential distress during my college years came to a head in an unexpected way. I can’t even explain why what happened hit me so hard. At the time, I was living in a dorm for women in the center of campus that had an unofficial reputation for being the virgin dorm.

One day, I was studying in my room when a girl raced down the hall pursued by a pack of boys, who cornered her just outside my door while one of the boys pressured the girl for a date. (Ironically, the boy was in the same religion class that pushed me to familiarize myself with the branches of Christianity I had not been exposed to before, which for me were Pentecostal and Charismatic churches.) Alarmed, I propped my door open in an attempt to give the girl an escape. She did not take it, but succumbed to the pressure and gave the boy her number.

I am not usually an impulsive person, but on this occasion I was so angry I was ready to run out and do something rash. However, the girl did not want anyone to retaliate on her behalf. I filed a report, honoring her choice, but inwardly I wrestled with my anger and my impotence, pursuing justice solely on paper. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

I cried out to God that my ways were not working; I had tried everything in my own strength and had failed to change myself one iota. I had no resilience. I could not cope with my moody, whiplash emotions or the pressures I put on myself. I needed God to change my life and my heart so I could live in the way Jesus had promised.

I did not receive any answer at that time, but soon after, my mom was introduced to the process of HeartSync, and I sensed this might be the tool that I needed in order to change. I was also introduced to Silicon Valley Healing Rooms, where I felt the undeniable presence of God for the first time and began to learn how to listen and hear from God by seeking words of knowledge before praying for physical healing. In the years since, other gifts and modes of communication unlocked: tongues, discernment, and dancing. More importantly, my inner stability and foundation in Christ has become more and more firm.

I have continued to seek God, listen for his voice, receive ministry for the shattered and broken pieces of my heart, and renounce the vows of religion and stoicism that captured me. It has been my pleasure to engage with and learn from teachers, evangelists, healers, and prophets from a great many ministries. It is my honor and joy now to help others restore the lines of communication in a living relationship with our Living God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit in their many roles as Father, Friend, Shepherd, Banner, Defender, King, Teacher, and Creator.

There is hope for you, too. Check out our appointment options for connecting you to the Source of Hope here.

Hard-Wired for Love

By Dorothy Mitchell

Do you ever wonder, “Why don’t people feel safe around me? Why can’t we all just get along?”

Everyone wants to be loved. We are built to respond to and seek out love. Why then, in our desperation to be loved, do we push others away? How do things go wrong before a single word has been exchanged?

It’s because our heart, the largely subconscious parts of our mind, is divided and trying to protect its own integrity. Our heart gets wounded. In response to traumas experienced in relationship or in community, our heart may develop deep insecurities. These insecurities are held in our emotion parts, and they rouse the guardian parts of our heart to step up and protect us. Guardians that are on hyper-alert or easily triggered can create a hostile and unpredictable context for friendship. Insecurities also affect the way the function parts of our heart walk and talk and act.

Your intention of friendship may be pure, but others may perceive that the relational safety they require cannot be guaranteed should they make a mistake. Some people are good at reading into others’ words or body language, and other people may be forewarned in their spirit, and may even subconsciously step carefully around you or avoid provoking you. It takes a mature guardian and a mature heart to be able to approach an insecure person with an immature guardian and relate and minister to them. Even then, some boundaries are needed.

Tensions. Sometimes two people have guardians with mutually incompatible ways of protecting the heart. One person’s penchant for yelling when upset is not compatible with another’s need to process conflict in silence. One guardian’s alarm is fed by seeing alarm in another guardian, and the two guardians’ hackles begin to raise at the same time—like two suspicious animals circling and readying for an imminent fight! When this happens, we could follow HeartSync founder Andrew Miller’s example in admitting, “my guardians don’t like your guardians.”

When I was at my most wounded, I had a habit of saying, “I would hate to meet myself. I don’t think we would get along.” At the time, this was probably true. One of the first people I was assigned to receive HeartSync ministry from was very much like me, and she was very competent at facilitating a HeartSync session while her ‘Original Self’ was in charge. But outside of a session, I could not understand why I was so nervous and tense around her, and I hoped someone else would be assigned to help me. She was a very complex person; I was a very complex person. We respected each other, but we just didn’t get along without accidental ouchies, like two hedgehogs trying to hug. But the more healing we both get through our synchronization to Jesus, the more likely we are to be able to get along on this earthly plane.

Shortcuts. Another reason why instant fear or dislike may take place is because of the patterns that guardians have picked up on over time. Human beings have a natural ability to analyze, categorize, and sort experiences and encounters with people, animals, and objects, and associate “these things” with “those things.” The amygdala in our brain, which is associated with the guardian parts of our heart, is particularly devoted to assessing whether these experiences put you in contact with something good, bad, or scary. Instead of approaching every situation as if it were absolutely new, your brain will try to read into it according to the patterns it has perceived in the past. While undergoing trauma, using shortcuts like these may be vital for survival.

This is easy to see in abused animals, who react with fear or anger to people who match the profile of their old abusive master in their memories. These animals must be re-homed carefully. So too can our fear be easily transferred from one person to the next or from one context to the next. But here’s the good news: so can joy. When you have a memory of someone you trust who has been devoted and good to you, that joy, love, and trust can be transferred to people who remind you of them. Your guardians like their guardians, and you get on like a barn on fire!

Society has a way of instilling stereotypes into us; you may hear us call this “programming.” What you see, read, and hear on the news, or in the paper, in books, in movies, on social media, or from friends and family informs us about the world we live in. But these stories are not necessarily true or retold at a frequency that reflects reality, and they can erode our innocence over time. When feeling threatened or scared, we make a lot of snap judgments based on these stories. At worst, we inflict harm and perpetuate phobias and bigotries through these snap judgments in the forms of sexism, racism, ageism, ableism, paternalism, and so forth.

Although it is good to question stories and pursue education about the diversity of cultures, I believe that the ultimate deliverance from all these -isms can only be found in Christ Jesus, in whom we are enabled to see each other as the Father sees us. We cannot return to dovelike innocence or embrace an unencumbered snakelike canniness by our own strength. But if we repent and submit our biases to the Lord for judgment, he will surely help us.

Interrelated Parts. In a nutshell, we get wounded (heart/identity/original self), and then our insecurities (emotion) fuel our guardians to come out, which can create a hostile or unpredictable context for relationship, affecting how we act and talk (function), and how free or cautious our friends (guardians) feel around us and react to us. And when the world consequently feels unsafe, our hopes and dreams (original self) gets relegated to the backburner so that we survive instead of thrive. But Jesus called us to an abundant life. If you feel stuck, let us help you in a HeartSync appointment: https://www.estuarycourts.com/book.